In case you are wondering what is the right kind of person, I guess it would be the kind of person that won’t ever question these ancient writings, and hearsay stories.
Or maybe the right kind of person is the kind of person that will repent and “accept Jesus as their personal savior”.
Honestly, what did you expect, is anything about these characters not cryptic or magic?
I, most certainly, am not the right kind of person. Are you?
It makes perfect sense. Ha!
Saint Peter is watching the gates of Heaven, but he really has to go to the bathroom. He asks Jesus to watch the gates for a few minutes, and Jesus agrees.
As Jesus is standing there, he sees an old man leading a donkey up from Earth to Heaven. He notices the old man has carpenter’s tools with him. When the old man gets to the gates, Jesus asks him to describe his life and explain why he feels he should be admitted into Heaven.
The man explains:
“In English, my name would be Joseph, but I didn’t live in America or England. I lived a modest life, making things out of wood. I’m not remembered very well by most people, but almost everyone has heard of my son. I call him my son, but I was more of a Dad to him — he really didn’t come into this world in the usual way. I sent my son out to be among the people of the world. He was ridiculed by many, and was even known to associate himself with some pretty unsavory characters, although he himself tried to be honest and perfect. My single biggest reason for trying to get into Heaven is to be re-united with my son.”
Jesus is awe-struck by the man’s story. He looks into the old man’s eyes and asks, “Father?”
The old man’s face brightens; he looks at Jesus, and asks, “Pinocchio?”
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard: ‘Jesus is watching you.’
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot.
‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’
The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’
‘Moses,’ replied the bird.
‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’
‘The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.’
When will these extremist theists realize that they are sacrificing real people over a made up deity. This is so sad.
Nouténé Sidimé, 13, died over the weekend after being allegedly slapped by her father. (Facebook)
Dad in custody after daughter, 13, dies
Girl refused to say prayers with father: neighbours
By QMI Agency
MONTREAL — A 13-year-old girl whose beating death led to the arrest of her 71-year-old father had enraged him by refusing to say her prayers, according to neighbours.
Noutene Sidime died Saturday evening in suburban Longueuil, Que., three days after she was rushed to hospital with breathing difficulties, her face covered in blood.
Her father, Moussa Sidime, had called 911 last Wednesday. Sidime was arrested and charged with aggravated assault, but the charges could be upgraded, police said.
Neighbours said Noutene Sidime was a polite girl who was often unable to please her elderly father.
Others who live in the apartment building south of Montreal said the girl sometimes neglected to say daily prayers, which infuriated her father.
“(He) was mean,” said Karine Girard, who lives on the street. “I’ve seen him grab her by the arm because she wouldn’t go up to say her prayers.”
Relatives told QMI Agency they believe the girl’s death was an accident.