11 Things The Bible Bans, But You Do Anyway.

Here are 11 things that are technically banned by the Bible. (All quotes are translations from the New American Standard Bible, but, because I’m actually trying to maintain serious journalistic integrity here, I cross-referenced several other translations to make sure I wasn’t missing the point.)

  1. Round haircuts. See you in Hell, Beatles… and/or kids with bowl cuts, surfer cuts or (my favorite) butt cuts. Leviticus 19:27 reads “You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard.”
  2. Football. At least, the pure version of football, where you play with a pigskin. The modern synthetic footballs are ugly and slippery anyways. Leviticus 11:8, which is discussing pigs, reads “You shall not eat of their flesh nor touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you.”
    And you’re doubly breaking that if you wake up, eat some sausage then go throw around the football. Or go to the county fair and enter a greased pig catching contest.
  3. Fortune telling. Before you call a 900 number (do people still call 900 numbers, by the way?), read your horoscope or crack open a fortune cookie, realize you’re in huge trouble if you do.
    Leviticus 19:31 reads “Do not turn to mediums or spiritists; do not seek them out to be defiled by them. I am the Lord your God.” The penalty for that? Check Leviticus 20:6: “As for the person who turns to mediums and to spiritists, to play the harlot after them, I will also set My face against that person and will cut him off from among his people.”
    Seems like a lifetime of exile is a pretty harsh penalty for talking to Zoltar.
  4. Pulling out. The Bible doesn’t get too much into birth control… it’s clearly pro-populating but, back when it was written, no one really anticipated the condom or the sponge, so those don’t get specific bans.
    But… pulling out does. One of the most famous sexual-oriented Bible verses… the one that’s used as anti-masturbation rhetoric… is actually anti-pulling out.
    It’s Genesis 38:9-10: “Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also.”
    Yep — pull out and get smote. That’s harsh.
  5. Tattoos. No tattoos. Leviticus 19:28 reads, “You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord.”
    Not even a little butterfly on your ankle. Or Thug Life across your abdomen. Or even, fittingly enough, a cross.
  6. Polyester, or any other fabric blends. The Bible doesn’t want you to wear polyester. Not just because it looks cheap. It’s sinfully unnatural.
    Leviticus 19:19 reads, “You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together.”
    Check the tag on your shirt right now. Didn’t realize you were mid-sin at this exact second, did you? (Unless you checked the tag by rolling off your neighbor’s wife while you two were having anal sex in the middle of robbing a blind guy. Then your Lycra-spandex blend is really the least of your problems.)
  7. Divorce. The Bible is very clear on this one: No divorcing. You can’t do it. Because when you marry someone, according to Mark 10:8, you “are no longer two, but one flesh.” And, Mark 10:9 reads, “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
    Mark gets even more hardcore about it a few verses later, in Mark 10:11-12, “And He said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.’”
  8. Letting people without testicles into church. Whether you’ve been castrated or lost one or two balls to cancer isn’t important. The Bible doesn’t get that specific. It just says you can’t pray.
    Deuteronomy 23:1 reads (this is the God’s Word translation, which spells it out better), “A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord.”
    Oh, and the next verse says that if you’re a bastard, the child of a bastard… or even have a great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchild of a bastard, you can’t come to church or synagogue either. Deuteronomy 23:2 reads, “No one of illegitimate birth shall enter the assembly of the Lord; none of his descendants, even to the tenth generation, shall enter the assembly of the Lord.”
  9. Wearing gold. 1 Timothy 2:9 doesn’t like your gold necklace at all. Or your pearl necklace. Or any clothes you’re wearing that you didn’t get from Forever 21, Old Navy or H&M.
    “Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments.”
  10. Shellfish. Leviticus 11:10 reads, “But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you.” And shellfish is right in that wheelhouse.
    Leviticus 11 bans a TON of animals from being eaten (it’s THE basis for Kosher law); beyond shellfish and pig, it also says you can’t eat camel, rock badger, rabbit, eagle, vulture, buzzard, falcon, raven, crow, ostrich, owl, seagull, hawk, pelican, stork, heron, bat, winged insects that walk on four legs unless they have joints to jump with like grasshoppers (?), bear, mole, mouse, lizard, gecko, crocodile, chameleon and snail.
    Sorry if that totally ruins your plans to go to a rock badger eat-off this weekend.
  11. Your wife defending your life in a fight by grabbing your attacker’s genitals. No joke. Deuteronomy actually devotes two verses to this exact scenario: Deuteronomy 25:11-12.
    “If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.”
    That’s impossible to misinterpret. Ladies, if your husband is getting mugged, make sure to kick the mugger in the pills. Do not do the grip and squeeze (no matter what “Miss Congeniality” might advise). Or your hand needs to be cut off.

As a final note, I know that nine of these 11 cite the Old Testament, which Christianity doesn’t necessarily adhere to as law.

To which I say: If you’re going to ignore the section of Leviticus that bans about tattoos, pork, shellfish, round haircuts, polyester and football, how can you possibly turn around and quote Leviticus 18:22 (“You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination.”) as irrefutable law?

But that’s me trying to introduce logic to religious fanaticism (or, at least, trying to counter some mix of ignorance, bigotry and narcissism with logic). And I should probably know better.

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My Awesome Princes and Princesses of TwitterVille

Originally posted on May 5th, 2009 – Updated-ish on July 26th, 2010

These are the people that I admire, they’re interesting, smart, insightful, funny, caring, witty, sexy, sassy and just a pleasure to interact with. They are the ones who keep my nest warm. This list is not finished yet, as I always find some new ‘gem’ to follow out there on the TwitterVerse. So, if you’re looking for people worth following you’ve come to the right place. Click on their @names to go to their Twitter profiles.

You guys might want to tweet this link, because that’s what networking is all about; and, so that your own friends know how incredibly awesome I think you guys are =) … just sayin’.

Not all of them are atheists, so if that’s exclusively what your looking for, read carefully.

@ThinkAtheist is my favorite site on the web, it is a wonderful eclectic community, where all my awesome heathens are, and the ones who aren’t should be. It is the home of the godless! Join me!

Follow the incredibly wonderful staff of Think Atheist:
Morgan @MorganMatthew (founder)
Dan @SpaghettiBeans
Johnny @AtheistJohnny
Laura @Lauruhhpalooza
Reggie @reggiekrh
Dave @nondescriptdave
Chelsea @TIAtheistChelsi
and yours truly, who is very happy to be a part of this staff.

@pribbibility Marty is My Knight in Shiny Armor, Atheist, humanist, insightful, witty, funny, engaging, intelligent, amazing blogger, professional designer, expert rock climber. Give him the chance to impress you and enjoy his company. His Site Atheist Climber

@leapingjudas Have a taste of his wits. An intellectual weapon, this heathen will take your breath away. He’s the Prince from the Future! Privileged mind and absolute charm. Check out his Soapbox, pedestal, pulpit, rant, rave, rage – call it what you will, but it is not a “blog”. Totally worth reading Unhinged and Uncensored and Raven Paradox

@pzmyers If you’re an atheist and love science, you’re probably following PZ Myers already. Do yourself a favor and follow this awesome atheist biologist and scientist. Follow his blog Pharyngula.

@vizhnet My friend Vince is incredibly knowledgeable, an awesome atheist, great choice for a follow.  Follow his thoughts and wisdom at Vizhnet.

@AtheistCrow Luke is great! Brilliant, interesting, nice, polite, atheist, humanist, skeptic, insightful heathen. If you don’t follow him, there must be something seriously wrong with you. He also has a website worth reading AtheistCrow – A Blog

@jordancdarwin My awesome friend Jordan is a science lover, his superpower is reason, evolution is his passion, of course he’s an atheist and his honesty knows no bounds. Follow his thoughts at On the incoherence of the incoherence

@nondescriptdave Dave is a very knowledgeable enlightening heathen, and I like it when I can learn things from my friends. You can also follow his thoughts on his page ThinkAtheist/Dave

@Lauruhhpalooza Laura is a valuable resource of knowledge, smart and engaging Atheist, Feminist, Free-Thinker. Huge contributor of ThinkAtheist.com Check out her Site Are you there, God? It’s me, Laura.

@SainterSan Wayne is incredibly smart! You’re going to enjoy the brilliance of this Aussie. Atheist, Skeptic, insightful gentleman. You will enjoy his posts, check out his site Sainter’s Blog

@_7654_ Intelligent, engaging, caring, enlightening atheist. Always sharing his insight and knowledge.

@ZachsMind Zach is another great heathen, funny, interesting, original, witty, engaging. Check out his site ZachsCast.

@SurlyAmy Amy is a very sweet atheist lady, who is an artist (painter and photographer) and makes handmade ceramic jewelry called Surly-Ramics. Check out her store Surly-Ramics She also writes for skepchick.org and is an advocate of science.

@grimmlock My friend Mike, Atheist, minarchist, uber-smart, witty, a ready line of humorous patter and possibly your worst nightmare. He’s just awesome! Check out his website Mike in Real Life

@JesusWife Another awesome heathen indeed, although she’s Mrs. Christ herself! She is uber-interesting, the queen of innuendos, cleverly amusing. If she likes you enough, she will tell you all the dirty little secrets about her hubby!

@alex Alex Wilhelm is an amazing blogger who writes for The Next Web and tweets about everything, software, gadgets, and all those things we love… a real geek. You will learn a lot from him. He also runs this wonderful atheist website AtheistHitSquad where all the cool atheists are. Join me.

@tylermassey Um.. well, I don’t really know him much, but he’s a genius and I like geniuses, he is very well read, I saw his #FF video and was sold! So there, take a look and follow him. Go watch his FF Video

@guillermocl Guillermo is from Venezuela, blogger, photographer, web designer, he’s into politics, passionate, compassionate and highly intelligent, and I’m pretty sure that he’s an atheist. His blog.

@achura My buddy Rooker is a high level atheist and Progressive Tweeter. He tweets about everything, mostly about religion and politics; give him the chance to enlighten you. His Site Rooker’s Soapbox

@OutAtheist Show that you’re an Out Atheist and follow OutAtheist. Let your words be heard and use #atheist or #atheism in all your atheist messages.

@futuredirected Samantha is a self-declared Futurist. Opinionated, highly intelligent, and very sweet heathen. She questions everything! She’s a good one for critical thinking. Her site: Welcome to the Future

@Nickdrumr2 You just have to follow Nick; Atheist, funny, witty, interesting, compassionate, engaging. Great choice for following.

@samiahurst Samia is a scientist on Bio-Ethics and medicine. An awesome heathen, blogger, sweet, intelligent and opinionated. Check out her Site: Bio-éthique

@AtheistinWA Atheist, Skeptic, Lefty insightful heathen, who lives at the other side of the pond, totally worthy of twitter engagement.

@Dauson The awesome Dauson Lovi: Published author, writer and executive baker, insightful heathen, and also my Twitter-Hero. Check out his website Holy Shit! A Brief Look at the Christian Problem

@WongoWoman She’s a very smart Free Thinker, Humanist, cleverly amusing, wicked funny, snarky, irreverent, and highly intelligent. She’s a great choice for a follow! She has a website, too WongoWorld

@Nrtikulit Michael is witty, caring, full of fun, engaging Atheist, always ready to give his humor and support. Totally worthy of twitter engagement. Check out his site: Nrtikulit’s Blog

@deconversion Paul is full of resources for skeptical, de-converting, or former Christians. He is smart, caring, great conversationist, very cool Atheist and the reason why I saw “The Princess Bride”. Totally worthy of Twitter engagement.

@GuitarDragon Karen is an anti-religion lady who Tweets and Tweets, sometimes she’s funny, sometimes she’s angry, but always interesting and worthy of Twitter engagement.

@lorddrachenblut Blogger, podcaster. A sweet mighty dragon, my favorite freak, funny, witty and always twisted. Check out his site The Digital Dragon’s Lair

@cherokee_autumn Shay Leene. Atheist, Free-Thinker, insightful heathen who is never afraid to speak her mind out.

@alopiasmag Miguel is a liberal, humanist, atheist. He’s also a dentist, so if your god screwed you over with bad teeth, Miguel is the guy to turn to. Just sayin’. His Site The Secular Dentist

@BibleAlsoSays Atheist, Agnostic, Skeptic, always sharing the most interesting thoughts and links about our secular cause. Here’s their site: The Bible Also Says

@elizapi Eliza… Liberal, Weak Atheist, intellectual, College student. Adorable caring young lady, she’s just so nice to be around, a true friend. You can join her Facebook page here: Eliza Piston

@theadividual She is the awesome Maia Caron, Atheist, Free-Thinker, prolific blogger, and just an inspiration for us. Check out her Site, a true source of enlightenment Maia Caron

@infinitelife_ Ben is an educated Free-Thinker, humanist, blogger, opinionated, interesting, engaging. A huge supporter of our secular cause, and helping with networking outreach. Check out his sites Infinite♥Life and AASSHF – Godless & Proud

@RayBeckerman You have to follow Ray because you can’t not like him. A lawyer who tweets mostly about internet law, social justice, human rights, conservation, and preservation. Check out his site Recording Industry vs. The People

@Liam_Fox Liam… Dad, Grand-Dad, Musician, Social Service Worker, Student, Thinker, Questioner, Challenger, ‘Ex teen Fundamentalist’ gone ‘Quiet 20’s Skeptic’ to a ’30 something Silent Atheist’ come ‘Emerging 40+ Activist & Anti-Theist’. Excellent choice for following.

@SusanLorelei She’s joyful, playful, funny, sweet, mischievous, positive and a great lady. If you ever need to boost your spirits, this is the lady to turn to. Susan is an animal lover, internet aficionado, loves positive people and a really great beer! Who doesn’t? She has a Site Dinner Ideas Pretty self-explanatory!

Other atheists worth following: @badwebsites @dmiller23 @hubbit @freeplay @GodFails @DangerousTalk @cltdba @Cosmic_Owl @gold_tracker @Bruceeverett @LaBrujaRoja @LoveVickyx @MichaelDHorn @ram327 @CuddlyAutomoton @theonides I’m lacking descriptions for each one of them, for now. Sorry guys, I will get on it as soon as I get the chance.

My Blackberry crew:

@TferThomas The kindest gentleman you will ever find and my Twitter-Hero! He’s also a BlackBerry enthusiast, always finding interesting news to share with us. If you need help with your gadgets you might find his website useful BlackBerry in the pocket of TferThomas Thank you, sir.

@MorenaAzucar A BlackBerry lover and a really cool lady. Always looking for three things education, friends and a good time. Her Tumblr: BrownSugar

@iRockaBerry Emma… a sweet, caring girl, a social networking junkie, a tekkie, animal lover, BlackBerry addict, Apple fan & all around Gadget junkie!. Check out her Tumblr: iRockaBerry

@PinkBerryGirl Nathalie is a girl full of life, a BlackBerry & iPhone geek, if you ever need help with your gadgets… Join her Facebook page Nathalie Kawaguchi

I’ll try to keep this post updated, hope you guys enjoy my favorite Tweeties’ company.

Are you a card carrying atheist?

Posted by Jim Gardner on September 4, 2009

@godlessgirl tweeted, “I want to be a card-carrying Atheist. Maybe I should make my own cards…” and I started to think about it. I came up with this…

I’ve often wondered what I would do if, by some unfortunate turn of events, I was no longer capable of expressing my wishes, perhaps following an accident or illness. What would I do if, one day, Father Friggety turned up at my bedside with his worry beads and started grovelling before his own externalised ego, begging to be forgiven on my behalf?

Hopefully, they’ll find a copy of this handy print-out-and-keep, “stick your religion up your arse” card in my things, before they start praying, and concentrate more of their efforts on doing something that’ll actually help me recover instead.

If you’d like a high resolution PDF version of these cards, to print out your own, here’s a link to MegaUpload…

EDIT@Azbats pointed out that MegaUpload’s banner ads are Not Safe For Work, so here’s a BitTorrent of the PDF files too, but PLEASE CONTINUE TO SEED THE DOWNLOAD ONCE YOURS IS COMPLETE SO THAT OTHERS CAN HAVE IT! Thanks.

http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/5078599

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=BWCEFLRP

To extract the files from the RAR archive you’ll need this for Mac…

http://unrarx.sourceforge.net/

…and this for Windows…

http://www.rarlab.com/

Source: howgoodisthat.wordpress.com

God has narcissistic personality disorder.

Our Father, to thine own pathological self be true

HERE’S my theory. God has narcissistic personality disorder.

Stay with me as I indulge in two of my favourite pastimes: illuminating monotheistic religion’s exploitation of the human desire to feel safe, loved and special; and my constant need to question and expose maladaptive behaviour. Let’s pathologise!

Here’s the deal: tick five in the diagnostic criteria and we have an NPD winner!

■ Feelings of grandiosity and self-importance (I am God); exaggerating accomplishments (I made you and the world) to the point of lying (I exist and there is a heaven); demands to be recognised as superior without commensurate achievements (Worship me and only me because I am great and almighty and I know everything).

■ Obsession with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty or perfect love (I will love you, you will love me and we will live happily in eternity).

■ Conviction you are unique and special (I am almighty. I am the one and only God).

■ Requires excessive adulation, attention and affirmation – or, failing that, wishes to be feared (Worship me. And me only. Or you will feel my wrath. Worse still, you will not come to my party in heaven).

■ Feels entitled. Demands automatic compliance with unreasonable expectations for special and favourable priority treatment (Follow my rules and rituals no matter how barmy, or you’ll go to hell. And don’t question me. Because I am God).

■ Is ”interpersonally exploitative”: uses others to achieve his or her own ends (Kill in the name of God. Wage war in the name of God. Cut off family members in the name of God. Punish children in the name of God. Discriminate against homosexuals, non-believers and women in the name of God. Spread the word and convert others so I have more power in the name of God).

■ Devoid of empathy (Kill in the name of God, etc).

■ Behaves arrogantly (I am great and you are sinners); feels ”above the law” (Kill in the name of God, etc).

Atheist pin-up boy Richard Dawkins describes God as “the most unpleasant character in all fiction. Jealous and proud of it. Petty, vindictive, unforgiving and racist. An ethnic cleanser urging his people on to acts of genocide.” Mm, smell that NPD!

It has been suggested that Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, Kim Jong-il, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama suffer NPD.

NPDs are often extremely successful in business, politics, entertainment, sport and the clergy. It’s believed a highly emotional, chaotic childhood results in a sense of inferiority, which hobbles NPDs’ ability to be true to themselves; instead creating a false reality. Which becomes their reality.

They are charismatic, persuasive and intelligent and become skilled actors who can fake any emotion and have the ability to make you glow with their favour. But they are deceitful, ruthless, manipulative users who are unpredictable and emotionally erratic. The emotional transaction is wildly out of whack. They expect the best but give very little. They cannot love and have no empathy. But they are emotionally needy and crave attention so hone their skills to attract love, admiration and attention to fill a hole inside them that will never be filled.

NPDs don’t feel they exist without an adoring fan club, so they create their own fantasy world in which they are king. With their manufactured charisma and genuine hauteur, they make others feel special by granting small mercies and bestowing their favour.

Which is how people get sucked into the transaction of worshipping a God despite no rational evidence. Babies die in ditches every day, yet God helps Hollywood stars win trophies. “Ah yes, the Lord works in mysterious ways. He helps me find my car keys occasionally. And because he’s so famous, and he noticed me, that makes me special. So I keep believing. Because if I don’t, I won’t be special.”

My 11-year-old atheist gave me the revelation that God had NPD when he said, “I think we invented God and then God invented us.”

It was Galileo who said, ”I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.”

Source: TheAge.com.au

Via: @leapingjudas